© It's Almost That Time for Me Again

Dedicated to my inner paranoia.

I'm an open book...which means my life should be shared. I don't needto explain to anyone the way I am, nor why you're so hella pissed off atme.

But what I don't understand is, why the undercover-behind-back-bullfarts?

You care so much...my inner paranoia tells me that's why I'm getting the silent treatment from you and everyone else.

I've been told I think only about myself and that I love talking aboutmyself more than listening to others. Just once I should inquire about the people around me and their goings-on.

So for everyone reading this blog, let me give you the sorry side of my life in just a few sentences so you can pity me. I can lay my head on your shoulders and cry my heart out just for the sake of attention....

Okay, I'm done for now...

....as the title of my blog states: It's Almost That Time for Me Again

So here is me being me....yet again.

I've cheated sexually to find some kind of happiness. Still, I've never used my friends as an excuse to find that happiness.

But you know that.

If I got it, I am willing to share it with you.

But you know that.

If I say you're beautiful, when you're looking or feeling like shit, Imean it; you are beautiful.

When words are not formed for a long time...then I finally find it, and tell you because I've discover the words to put on paper -- hence my muse --I want you to know.

But you know that already.

Yes, I admit I randomly start speaking about nothing in general. Itmakes no sense to you...maybe it does to others...I do it all the time

But you know that too.

Today I'm making amends with my conscience because I'm tired of
reaching out to you and saying "I'm sorry....I miss the friendship," and getting no answer.

I was scared because I wanted to talk to you so badly...to the point of nearly posting an ad in the paper.

But that moment has passed.

I'm finding peace.

Hell, it's a lot of work being this bummed out over something that has metastasized within me like a cancer.

So I have come up with this conclusion -- at this moment, 10:30 am PT Wednesday January 10, 2007 -- I FINALLY GOT IT.

I truly get it.

I can see it.

I can feel it.

I heard it.

I'm thoughtless, I only think of myself and not others.

I act as if my problems are more important than others.

I stretch the truth.

I play stupid and sacrifice the here-and-now for the yet-might-be. I ignore those around me to "worship at the altar" of my cell phone. Helpless to resist its seductive call, I would blow off the intimacy of the spoken word with my friends for the text message that was my
preference.

I'm sure there are more...but, hey, being the center of attention is a lot of work, and I'm working on it.

Want to hate me even more?

Go ahead.

To my inner paranoia - thank you.

- Emme

© Almost Random 1, 2, & 3

1. Just yesterday I was bellyaching about my breasts and how big theyare and how sick of them I am with them and how I prayed that God would bless me when I wake up the next day with smaller perkier breasts.

Then it happened – a Breast Cancer commercial…

http://www.komen.org/intradoc-cgi/idc_cgi_isapi.dll?IdcService=SS_GET_PAGE&nodeId=298

2. All day yesterday while playing Madden o7 I had the compelling urge
to say this after each touchdown:

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow jumped over the moon.The little dog laughed to see such sport and the dish ran away with the spoon.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

3. I had a dream about A-ha last night; they were older but they still looked good and still sound the same and they were doing a charity concert – guess what kind of concert – yes, a Breast Cancer awareness concert. They asked me to speak and I couldn't believe that I was on stage with them. I'm my dream I know the stats, the numbers the programs the donators. The out reach programs. OMG I new it all. I was amazing. When I work up the only thing I remembered from my speech was the number twenty five.